Memoirs to a Goddess
by Amestris
Summary: There were many reasons why Urick traveled with Nowe, protecting and fighting beside him. But this was the main reason why. Urick character study.


Inspired by _Within Temptation's _ballad/song "The Swan Song".

Summery: AU You were always giving, and never receiving, and I loved you because of that. Yet, I've never been able to thank-you for doing so much for us. So, I'll settle for loving your son the way you never could. Character study.

Alas, I own not Cavia© Drakengard© / Drakengard 2© or Square Enix©. Stop stalking me… side note: a Sgian dirk is a long dagger; sometimes a cut-down sword blade mounted on a dagger hilt, rather than a knife blade…

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I was six years old when I first saw you. Your parents had just died from the Black Dragon attack, and your brother had declared war on the Empire. You were leaving the Union castle in the Village of Stone to go and live in the Castle of the Goddess in the plains just to the north of our city. All the citizens had lined up on our dirt street to bid you, your brother, and your ex-betrothed farewell. Everybody had loved you, even though you were only at the young age of seventeen, barely at the cusp that separated childhood from womanhood.

I watched you go by me, proudly sitting atop your brown mare, straight backed, and head tilted arrogantly to one side, unhindered by person effects that most royal woman would have with them. You only wore the clothes upon your own back and your Sgian-dirk dagger in its sheath on your snow-white lap. You were beautiful, untouched by time and the death of your parents. Your skin was still that peaches-and-cream complexion that reminded me of the pies my mother sometimes made on special occasions.

And eyes…oh, your eyes were so blue, bluer than the deepest ocean, darker than any jewel, and that rivaled the beauty of the sapphire. I've loved sapphires ever since then. Your eyes were filled with the waters of sadness, grief, and the dark knowledge of our world, and yet how old your sapphire-ocean eyes were looking like, your eyes held strength and resolve and the forbidden shine of hope and love. I know that more than I alone were drowning in your knowledgeable and grieving eyes.

We hated to see you cry, to see your forehead wrinkle in heartache and quiet resentment. We hated to see your lips in the curve of frowning. We hated to see your beautiful eyes drowning in unshed tears. We always wanted to see you happy and smiling. But we knew we'd never see that again, you were the goddess now, you'd never feel happiness again with the seal burdening your shoulders. The albatross around your neck was heavy and burdensome; and you didn't deserve that. Any one of us would have gladly taken that burden from you and carry it ourselves.

As your brother carried with him boiling anger and the thirst for revenge that frightened most of us, you carried the soft endearment of the curse that befell us, and quietly resigned to your duty without complaint. You would do anything for us to guarantee our safety and give us longer lives that most of us didn't deserve or work for. You were unselfish, and always giving. My mother always told my father that your selfless giving and charities to all would eventually lead to your ultimate and unforgiving demise.

As your horse cantered by us, children began to chase after you. I began to run, too. I ran faster than anyone else, and harder, and longer than any of the other children. I wanted you to see me, so that you could know that I'd miss you the most. So you could know how much I loved you. But I had run out of energy, so I had stopped. With tears in my eyes, threatening to fall, I turned my head skyward look at you. You were facing the other village children, your hourglass-shaped body twisted to face us children. Your china-doll hand was waving to the children, and your other hand resting on your mare's rump, so you wouldn't fall off. Not that'd you need that – you were always very graceful.

You looked down and you looked straight at me – me with the dirty face, rags for clothes, barefooted, and tears making a clear track down my cheeks. Then, your lips turned upward into a motherly-love smile at me – just for me! I looked at you with awe, just to think that your smile was just for me and me alone. I smiled at you tearfully, and joyfully, and waved my chubby hand at you. You waved softly, then turned towards the path ahead. Even after you turned away, I still waved at you, tears still running down my chubby cheeks.

I've loved you ever since. My parents had told me I was too young to love. But still I loved you in that unrequited way – almost how a child loves their mother, knowing that one day they'll be gone, but still loving her anyways, always desiring her hugs, and kisses. I desired to see you smile at me again, to see your sapphire-blue eyes stare into my own. I've missed you ever since, always hoping to see you, hoping that one day you'll smile the way you smiled at me nearly twenty years ago, with eyes full of love to your people.

Oddly, when I look at Nowe, I see a bit of you in him. I see you in his sapphire-ocean eyes. Though your eyes were filled with the adult view of our molested world, his eyes were naïve, and optimistic, and were still a bit childish. But both your eyes and Nowe's eyes were filled with the exact shine of love and hope. I was happy to see that your brother's eyes – so pessimistic, angry and hateful – had not yet touched Nowe's beautiful eyes, not yet anyways. He hadn't yet seen the darker side of our ill-treated world, unlike your brother, who was in the middle of it all. I see you in his smile, too, the way when his lips smile so do his eyes.

I never got to say thank-you for everything you've done for us, and our egotistical world. I have an inkling Nowe is your son, because of your sapphire-ocean eyes, and your smile that you share with him. There's only one thing I can do now, I'll protect your son for you – or at least until he can protect himself from the darkness of our world that's ready to claim him as its own. I know it's no compensation for what you've to protect our undeserving world, but it's all I can do. I don't want to see the hope diminish from his eyes, like yours did so very long ago, but I do want him to be like you, understanding.

I know you don't love me the way I love you and that's fine. You've died, and been dead for about eighteen years now. You'll never know how much I've loved you, and how much I still do. But I hope when you're looking down from Heaven, you'll see what your love did to nourish our world. Because of you, we've been able to live longer than we ever thought. And maybe I'll join you one day, and I can tell you how much I love you. But until that day, I'll have to settle with loving your son the way you never could.

_(--Memoir from Urick to Furiae♥) _


End file.
